Honoring the Heartbreak: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is a tender month for so many families. It’s a time to pause, remember, and speak the names of the babies who left this world too soon. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month isn’t just about awareness; it’s about love, remembrance, and compassion. It’s about breaking the silence around the kind of grief that deserves to be seen and held with care.

This month hits close to home for me. I’ve walked beside two of my closest friends through loss, one who said goodbye to her baby far too soon, and another who lost her little one to SIDS. I helped plan a funeral, helped dry milk that her body wasn’t ready to let go of, and sat beside her in the quiet when there were no words left to say. I made sure there were warm meals on her doorstep, candles lit, and love surrounding her when the world kept spinning.

With my other dear friend, we planted a white rose in remembrance of her daughter and embroidered a blanket with her name. We spoke her name often, because she mattered.

This work has taught me that showing up doesn’t always mean having the right words. Sometimes it means sitting close, listening, and reminding someone they’re not alone in their pain.

The Quiet Grief of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Pregnancy and infant loss is a grief that doesn’t always have a place in the world’s conversations. Many parents carry it quietly, unsure how to talk about something that feels invisible. Even when a pregnancy ends early or without visible complications, the emotional impact can last a lifetime.

The truth is, society celebrates new life but doesn’t always know how to hold space for the heartbreak that sometimes comes with it. But your grief is valid. Your baby matters. Your story is worthy of being spoken. Whether your loss was yesterday or years ago, you are still a parent, and you deserve to be seen that way.

Healing After Loss

There is no timeline for grief. There’s no right way to do this. Healing isn’t about moving on. It’s about learning to live with love and loss at the same time.

Here are a few ways to gently support yourself as you move through this season:

1. Give yourself permission to grieve.

You don’t have to be strong all the time. Grief is love that has nowhere to go. Let yourself cry, rest, and take up space. Healing begins with honesty.

2. Create a ritual of remembrance.

Light a candle, plant a tree, write a letter, or create a keepsake. These small acts honor your baby’s memory and give your love a place to land.

3. Reach out for support.

You don’t have to walk this road alone. A trauma-informed therapist, counselor, or postpartum doula can offer gentle guidance and space for your emotions. Having someone in your corner who understands loss can help you find your footing again.

4. Stay connected with your partner.

Partners grieve differently. Some stay busy, others go quiet. Try to share what you each need, even if it’s just sitting in silence together. Grief can feel heavy, but it doesn’t have to push you apart.

5. Find community.

Support groups, local or online, are filled with people who understand. Listening to others’ stories can make you feel seen and less alone. You don’t have to talk right away. Just being there is enough.

How to Support a Loved One Through Loss

If you know someone grieving a baby, your presence matters more than perfect words ever could.

Here’s how to show up gently:

• Say their baby’s name if you know it. It helps parents feel their child is remembered.
  
• Avoid phrases like “everything happens for a reason.” Instead, try, “I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.”
  
• Offer tangible help. Drop off dinner, take care of a load of laundry, or offer to take their other kids out for an hour so they can have a quiet moment to themselves. Sometimes showing up looks like warm meals, washed dishes, or just being there when they can’t find the strength to ask.
  
• Check in later, not just in the first few weeks but months down the road. Grief lingers long after everyone else’s lives start spinning on and the support starts to fade away.
  

Even quiet gestures of love make a difference.

You can also watch this gentle, informative video on how to show up for a grieving friend for helpful insight and perspective.

The Sacred Space Between Life and Loss

As someone who has supported life transitions for the past ten years, I’ve learned that grief and life often exist side by side. They’re not separate worlds. The same tenderness that surrounds birth often meets us at the end of life, too.

In my work, I’ve held hands through both beginnings and endings, and what I know for sure is this: both deserve gentleness, presence, and space to be fully felt. Whether you’re welcoming new life, saying goodbye, or learning how to carry both, your emotions are sacred. You don’t have to rush your healing or hide your grief to move forward. You just have to take one small step at a time.